I don’t know what I’m looking so hard for. I want so desperately to be wanted by someone or something. What was I put on this Earth to do? I don’t think I do much at work with the instruments. It doesn’t feel immediately rewarding, but I know it is. My point is, if it wasn’t me doing the job then someone else would. I don’t really feel as though my presence there makes an impact. I’m not suicidal, just genuinely lost.
I’ve been reading about the Wild Woman archetype and it’s calling towards me. It’s teaching me so much. Is this the mysticism I was searching for? I’m reading Dr. Este’s novel. I want to channel my wild woman spirit. It is the free spirit of a woman that in it’s very core makes her a woman. It provides her that aggressive reality towards the nurturing and stable side of a female. I read an article where the archetype was referred to as the irrationality of a woman. I’m not sure how I feel about this fact. I laughed immediately because I realized it’s truth. Sometimes being a woman doesn’t make any sense at all and somehow, that is exactly what is supposed to happen.
I also started learning about this whole Life/Death/Life dynamic. Every explanation I have seen for this has rang so true that it’s astounding how I have not heard about this worldview yet. In a nutshell, all things live, die, and then their spirit is free to live again. Dr. Este has tied this cycle into a menstrual cycle scenario. The shedding of the uterine lining represents the need for the female body to be reborn. I’ve been basing my life and decisions around my menstrual cycle. It’s a new outlook on something that I have been living with for all of my existence.
Reading about the origin story of womankind and the Wild Woman spirit empowers me. It helps me process the unexplainable while also motivating my wellbeing.
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